Friends?
by sg11985
Summary: Sam really does think too much.


Title: Friends?  
Author: Jemma  
Story Status: Complete  
Series/Sequel Info: None  
Season: Just after six  
Spoilers: Full Circle  
Categories: Friendship, Sam POV  
Pairings: Sam and Jack  
Rating: T  
Content Warnings: Swearing...basically mild.  
Summary: Sam really does think too much.  
Archive Permissions: Please ask.  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters relating to Stargate. They belong to MGM and any of their associates. I'm just playing around with them for a little while!  
Authors Note: Inspired by watching Full Circle again tonight...although really did not turn out the way I expected it to! Oh well.  
Date: 3rd July 2003  
Dedication: To Janet. Who never, ever fails to send my feedback! Her words are one of the things that keep me writing. She is an absolute star!

SGSGSGSGSG

Home.  
Is home actually home without all the people there you love.  
I come to the conclusion that it is, having lived on this planet for a good many years, and having lost people I loved through those years. But I've still always been able to call this place, home.  
I guess I'm just trying to find some justification for losing Daniel again. But this time...really losing him.  
We all knew, as we sat around the briefing room table, that Daniel would have done anything to stop Anubis, and the fact that he hadn't...well, that was something I just didn't want to think about.  
Although I had the worst thoughts about the situation increased when Skarra told us he had not seen Daniel.  
All I can hope, I think as I walk towards to gear up room, is that somehow, someway, he's ok.

But seeing him again...god, it brought something out of me. It brought out the grief, the pain, everything I had had to repress because there was no one to talk to about it.  
And then he's suddenly here again.  
Large as life and disappearing when he feels like it in a ball of light.

The way he was, the way he made me feel...  
It makes me wonder how close all of us really are.

I told Teal'c when Daniel first...ascended...that we were a team, and no one would be able to understand what we meant to each other.

But was I wrong?

Have I overstepped my estimation of how close we all are?

I would do anything for them, my team. Anything.  
I would hope that it's the same for them.

But...is it just obligation?  
Are we really friends?

SGSGSGSGSG

23:00 hours

The question still lies unanswered in my mind.  
As does another; how can it possibly be answered?

How can I even begin to talk to them about this? What would I say?  
"Hi there Colonel...listen. I know you feel obligated into saving people's lives and stuff, but is that all it is, an obligation? Are we really friends or just a responsibility?"  
Hmmm...gotta say, I don't see that one going down too well. With him, Teal'c or even Jonas. And Daniel...god knows.

A part of me feels I should really shut down the lab and go home.  
It has been a rather long day.  
The problem is I just can't stop myself from thinking.  
Oh, I know what you're thinking. That's normal, right?  
This is different.  
I'm considering the possibility that these men I care for, love, don't care for me back. That everything we've been through together was just necessity. All the years we've watched each other's backs...

"Carter!"

My elbow slips from the top in front of me, almost causing a very embarrassing scene of me falling off my stool. Luckily, not quite.

I recover as quickly as in as dignified way as possible, before turning to acknowledge my late night visitor.

"Colonel, hi." Upon closer inspection I face I add, "What's the problem?"  
"You Carter!" he replies just as loudly, walking further into the lab to stand opposite me.  
"Huh?" I ask, knowing full well my gaping mouth must be looking pretty undignified right now.  
"You!" he repeats. "Its nearly 23:30! Why are you still here?"  
"Oh!" I say in a mock shocked tone of voice, pretending to look in my watch in surprise. "I didn't realise."  
"Yeah, well, you never realise Carter," he replies in a tone I can only describe as half seriousness and half jest. "You needed to get home hours ago, its been a long day."  
"Yeah, I know, its just..."  
"Time got away from you," he quickly fills in for me. I smile at him.  
"Yeah," I offer back quietly.

There is just a pause of silence before I begin to feel the concern oozing from his body.  
"Something else bothering you Carter?"  
I look back to the worktop in front of me.  
"No, nothing a good nights sleep wont cure Sir."  
He's quiet still, so I risk a look up at him.

He looks almost deadly.

Those eyes just stare at me, and communicate with a look a thousand words.  
Compassion, knowing, understanding, feeling, hurt.

He coughs slightly before looking away at me.  
"Listen Carter," he begins slowly and quietly. "I know that the last few days have been rough...especially for you, seeing Daniel again and all that. "  
"No, Sir, really I'm fine."  
"Oh are you? That's why you're sitting in the middle of a lab, on a deserted base, looking as if the Grinch just stole Christmas?"  
I can't help but quirk a smile at his joke.  
After a moment, the seriousness sets in once more.  
"It's just..." I begin, but stop not knowing how to continue. To voice the thoughts I've been having since...shit. When did I first start thinking about this?  
"Go on," he pushes, taking a step to the left to perch on a stool.  
I look up to his face.  
"It was hard. Seeing him again."

Smile.

Ok...that was a unexpected reaction.  
Despite myself, I smile back. He smiles some more. I do the same. He chuckles. I giggle. He laughs. I laugh.   
Before we know where the hell we are we're both crying our eyes out with tears of happiness over my newest ticking time bomb of an invention.

It's one of the most surreal moments of my life...and it comes to an end far too soon.

"Shit Carter. When did the lives of SG-1 turn into a soap drama?"  
"I dunno Sir," I say back, beginning to regain control over my breathing. "Sir?" I ask quietly, as he also breathes deeply.  
"Yeah?"  
"SG-1, we are..."  
"Yeah Carter?"  
I take a deep breath and prepare for the plunge.  
"We are friends aren't we?"  
He looks at me with an expression of bizarre wonderment.  
"What? Are we friends? What sort of a question is that?"  
"One I need answered Sir," I reply seriously.

He stands up so abruptly and turns so fast that I think he's going to leave, and that I'd be heading the same way tomorrow after being brought up on insubordination charges.

We walks almost all the way to the door back out into the real world when he stops.

"SG-1 is a family Carter. We were put together as a necessity."  
His use of the word "necessity" nearly kills me, being the word spoken that confirms what I've been thinking all day.  
Then he turns.  
"But, we stay together out of need."

I feel my chest lurch almost out of my body.  
He quickly nods in my direction before turning once more and leaving the lab.

And so, my question is answered.  
Are we all true friends?  
Yes.  
But better still...we're true family, based on true need of each other. All five of us.  
Nothing can change that.

I switch off the lamp beside me.  
Time to go home.

SGSGSGSGSG

That's it!! I've done it!! Finito!! Hope you've enjoyed it, and as always...FEEDBACK me:)


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